Saturday, October 30, 2010

A Huge Hooray & A Little Anxiety

Hey Coleen -

I just read your latest post about your 112% PFT result! Holy cow! I am so proud of you. You have been working so hard to stay on top of any sinus infections and I know you have been so compliant with your Pulmozyme and Acapella. Now you have proof that being proactive really is key. I know how happy you must have been to see those numbers :-) I wish I could have been a fly on the wall and seen your reaction. You, my dear, are inspiring!

So the last time you wrote you wished me well on my next adventure with IV's. An adventure it has been. I was on the Tigercycline for one week, then had to go off due to debilitating nausea. I then went on Cifoxitin, which I had to go off of in week 4, due to bone marrow failure. I was REALLY, REALLY sick for about a week. Having no white blood cells is the pits. I also had to have my PICC pulled and it was found to have been infected. My bone marrow has now recovered and I am preparing to be admitted again on Monday to have another PICC placed and start IV Amikacin. If we can get 6 weeks in we will be happy.

So, I got pretty depressed after I failed the Cifoxitin. My body felt broken, my spirit felt broken, I felt worthless. It was really, really hard. As my energy returned, my mood improved. I felt more willing to get up and around. I think I've come to the conclusion that I make a really bad sick person. It just doesn't suit me...but I guess at times I don't have a choice.

So I haven't thought much about my upcoming admission, but I can tell I'm nervous, because my fingers are bloody stumps. I only chew on my fingers when I am FULL of anxiety, which is not too often. I think it's the whole PICC thing. It took them 3 tries to get my last one placed. This is the third time I have to get on in 4 months time. Am I being a HUGE wimp? I know CFer's have to go through so much more invasive procedures than getting a PICC. Why is it creating all of this anxiety?

Anyway, I'm soooo happy for you! I saw you were in Arizona recently. What for & did you have fun? I loved your post on your to-do list. When you come to Cleveland to go to Progressive Field you will be hanging out with me!!!