It's No Big Deal...

Stacey,



"It's no big deal" is how I would summarize my whole attitude with CF. And in a way, for me, having CF really isn't a big deal...at least not at this point in my life. When I look around at those with CF waiting for a lung transplant or recovering from one, I think to myself, THAT is a big deal. When I see people much younger than me who can't work because of the 6 hours they need during the day to administer treatments, I think THAT is a big deal. When I see those in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time, parents who have to plan a child's funeral, young women giving in to the fact that they will not be able to have children...I think you get my point. That is not to say that we, however, should minimize our relationship to this disease, its just hard because this disease is affecting me so different then it does with other people. Maybe one day that will be me. It's hard to think about.



A lot of people don't even know I have CF, mostly because of my "No Big Deal" attitude. It is like I am almost embarrassed to tell people I have CF because I don't want them to get the wrong idea. When I tell anyone that I have CF, I feel like the next thing I have to say is "but I am REALLY healthily" or "it's mild." I can't just say it and let it be what it is. In a way, I feel like I am trying to protect people in some way. Or maybe you are right...I can't just admit to myself that it is a big deal, mild case or not.



I guess I have a few good PICC line stories of my own. I would find people looking, but like you said in your Confession's blog, its expected...I would do the same. I found people at work asking the most questions, which I also expected. I did catch one guy in the grocery store staring longer then the normal glance-and-look-away. The only really awkward moment was doing my treatments at a friends house during a 4th of July party. I tried to just find my own space and do my own thing. Most people would just walk by with no reaction. Almost everyone at the party knew what I was doing and why. But one person walked by and stopped and looked at me like I was shooting up heroin or something. It was priceless. Wish I had a camera. I couldn't help but apologize and say something like this will only take me about 10 minutes.



The PICC line removal was painless. No blood. There is a little scab right now and it is healing fine. My skin is super dry, so I am just trying to keep lotion on it. Good luck with your appointment. Let me know what happens. Stay strong. Stay positive.